Helping your children overcome shyness and social anxiety

Sometimes having a shy child can be heart-breaking for parents, and a source of distress for the whole family.  Because a child’s “job” is to play, have fun, and socialize, social anxiety and shyness can have various negative effects on their long-term social skills, and also on their happiness in the short-term. So how can you as a parent help your child overcome shyness and social anxiety? There are many practical suggestions that merit at least a trial.

The number one most important step to take is to socialize more, as a family. If you model healthy social behavior to your kids, they will learn the basics of human interaction; this will sure help them, on the long run, especially when interaction with adults or older children. You can plan family outings, picnics or trips with other families or groups. If you can arrange it so that there would also be a few same-aged children around, it will be all the better. While at the planned event, keep an eye on your child.   If you think they are withdrawn, or not shy, avoid harassing them into playing. Don’t say things like: “C’mon. Don’t be shy!” Sentences worded in the negative do not have a very encouraging effect. They tend to back fire and make your child more anxious and shy. Instead, try and have a few planned, age-appropriate, group activities that the whole group will enjoy. If possible, plan a non-competitive game, like hitting a Piñata for an example. If your child is good at a particular sport or game, try to include it in the group’s activities.

Also, try to enroll your child in a group sports, or an activity that fosters team spirits. it is essential to choose an activity that the child enjoys, or at least shows an interest in: watches it on television, talks a lot about it, or said that they would like to try it someday. The interaction with team mates might help your child loosen up a bit, and will help them create new friendships which is an essential step in battling social anxiety and shyness in children. A shy child will feel much more confident if he/she has a few friends they can play with, and are close to.

If your child does not have a “best friend”, it might be important that you try and arrange some play dates for them with other children from your social circle. Start with kids they already know. It is also better if these dates are one-on-one play time; sometimes being in a group of same-age peers triggers the child’s anxiety and makes it impossible for them to make friends or bond with a specific child. Best friends are an important part of the child’s life, and having one will add to the self-esteem and social confidence of your child. It will be a first step in the attempt to change the child’s perception of themselves of lonely, shy, and withdrawn.

About the Author

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